Battleship

How do you turn a classic Hasbro game and turn it into a movie? Just add aliens! Aliens have responded to a beacon that we sent out and landed in the Pacific Ocean just off the coast of Hawaii. The US Navy is preforming war games in the area but cannot get to the crafts due to a force field generated by one of the alien ships. However, there are a few ships inside the force field and now the real life game of Battleship has begun.

Taylor Kitsch as Lieutenant Alex Hopper, a US Navy Tactical Action Officer assigned to the USS John Paul Jones
Liam Neeson as Admiral Shane, Commander of the United States Pacific Fleet
Alexander Skarsgård as Commander Stone Hopper, Hopper's older brother, Commanding Officer of the USS Sampson
Rihanna as Gunner's Mate Second Class (GM2) Cora Raikes on the USS John Paul Jones.
Brooklyn Decker as Samantha Shane

Who will like this:

Transformers meets G.I. Joe meets board game. If you've ever played the game, you will appreciate how they tied in some of the key aspects of Battleship into the movie. It really has a Transformers look to it, but not as fast paced. Real US Navy soldiers will appreciate the accuracy of their movie counterparts.

Phantom Thoughts:

I wasn't expecting much from this one, and that's exactly what I got. Before I go on to tear this movie apart, let me say that it wasn't a horrible waste of my time. I did like that the ammo used by the aliens were shaped like the pegs in the original board game. And I liked the use of the real servicemen and women who serve being used in the movie. But I'd like to strangle the guy who came up with the "robots in motion" effect that is being used everywhere now a days. Millions of little pieces that are fluttering all over the screen to make it look less like a solid and more like mercury on silk sheets has been making my head spin.

At one point, I thought I was watching Spiderman on the Titanic. Without giving too much away, at one point, one ship is sinking (Really? Did you really want me to put a spoiler tag on THAT one?)  And we cut to a shot of two of the main characters crawling up to the back of the ship, which is now almost straight up in the air. So they were able to scale this slippery, smooth metal ship on a 90 degree angle? OK...let's say that was possible...next they did the Jack and Rose jump off the bow before it blows up. Look, I understand that in a movie where aliens are coming down to fight the Navy, you HAVE to suspend belief somewhat, but could we stay inside the laws of physics at least?

Speaking of the aliens, they must've wasted too much brain power on making the spacecraft look like Optimus Prime. Because when it came to what these creatures from another world, light years away from us should look like...the film makers said "Ahhhh we'll make 'em look like Scottish blokes with lizard eyes and spines for beards and...oh yeah...give 'em 4 thumbs on each hand. OK...that'll do. When's lunch?"

The plot was extremely predictable and there were too many moments where I was mumbling to myself "Seriously?" Which is not what I should be doing going into a sci-fi movie where I have already given you more than the benefit of doubt.
SPOILER: I did get a kick outta the old war vets helping the new guys drive the old battleship museum after all the new destroyers were...well...destroyed. It was hacky and ridiculous, but it did make me smile.

Here's another suggestion:
STAY TO THE END OF THE CREDITS!
Another blog will be dedicated to why I do this at every movie, but suffice it to say I was the only one left in the theater at the end of the credits, and I was the only one who saw the last 3 minutes of movie they put back there. And it was one of the few scenes in the entire movie that gave me a chuckle.

Until next time, see you in the center seat!